Chico, California
2018-2021
“And suddenly you know…It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”
-Unknown
Chico had become my escape. It was a place where I could cry, laugh, work through the pain, deal with the reality, and have fun. Chico was where I could just be authentically me, in whatever state I was in with no judgement and just be loved… granted sometimes tough love, but still love.
It was a journey of healing. It was a place I could process what I was feeling and grieve in any way I needed. When I finally moved to Chico it became a safe haven for me to pick up the pieces of my life, to rediscover who I am by myself, and to move forward with my life. (Read more here)
When I look back on this chapter, as corny as it sounds, what I think of most is laughter. So many wonderful moments. Where I truly felt present. Where things slowed down. They were years full of fellowship, great friendship and just so much love and encouragement. So many wonderful moments with my friends and family gathering for so many reasons.
This chapter also had many growing pains, as all chapters do and as they should. But through those pains and picking up the pieces, I built my tribe, my support system, people who stuck by me and who I would be there for in a second if they ever needed me. They encouraged my voice; for me to share my story because it is worth sharing. The people who just want to see me happy, that’s it. No agenda.
I healed parts of my trauma. Had hard conversations with those I love the most, so that we can now move forward. Because we are all human. We make mistakes. We are growing and that is what we are supposed to do.
Because of this time in Chico I now walk into a room differently. I now know who I am. I’ve learned that I am the only constant in my life. Because I’ve done the hard work, to look at my choices, and the experiences I’ve had along the way. The work will never stop, that’s the point of this life but I know I am surrounded by love and because of this time, this work and these people I know I can get through anything. That is a gift I will always cherish.
Along with fellowship and love, this chapter also saw the manifestation of another dream, my tiny cottage.
I don’t know that I will ever be able to put into words what this tiny space means to me. Those four walls…maybe 200 square feet. They have seen so much. The highs and lows of self discovery. The tears and the laughter. The stumbles and when you pick yourself back up. The creative process. The space to dream, to journal and to finally write.
To really search for what I want out of my life, without the influence of anyone. Just what would make me happy, what sets my soul on fire, to discover what my passions truly are, what my purpose is… what’s my why?
Like all of us, 2020 was a very interesting year for me. I was lucky that my work life didn’t change much due to Covid. I was in a place surrounded by so much love, support, I had created my dream space, but I found myself becoming stagnant. Feeling like I was wasting my life and my purpose by just sitting behind a desk and going through the motions.
I had dated a little but really wasn’t putting myself out there because deep down I knew I didn’t want to get tied down in Chico. My soul knew this chapter was meant to only be a stepping stone.
Ask and the universe delivers, right? Then suddenly, there was the possibility of my living situation being forced to change, so I had to take a hard look at things. Isn’t that the way it always happens, the universe/God forces your hand. I knew I could continue down this path, play it safe but feel unfulfilled, like I wasn’t living my soul’s purpose. But either way, at the time, I was going to have to give up my sacred space (my tiny) and take a leap. Which led to finally following that one dream that was always in the back of my mind. To be uncomfortable… again. To finally just do it, even though it was “our” dream at one time and he wasn’t here anymore… But even after all these years, I still couldn’t shake it. It was MY dream now. Or at least if I didn’t try it, I would forever wonder “what if.” But I was scared to bring all of that up again.
But sometimes, “suddenly you know…It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”
To be continued…
