A reflection of 2016 and a look ahead at 2017.
Warning: This is real life.
Isn’t it amazing and also challenging how life can change very quickly?
One day you are walking your path, it’s challenging, it has it’s tribulations, but isn’t that the beauty of life; isn’t that the reason we take this journey to learn, to be challenged and survive.
But, if you are anything like me, you like to have control or at least one hand on the steering wheel.
But then the Universe, in all her glory, smacks you upside the head and says nope this is actually the path you should be on and you are left in a daze with stars around your head, like something out of a Looney Tunes cartoon.
That has been 2016 for me. From a hospital stay, surgery, diagnosis, a heartbreak over the loss of a dream and a career, then acceptance, so much love, but also so many fights, to commitment, a creative journey, many laughs, new friends that will last a lifetime, knowledge, new skills, a totaled car, an election, so much hate in the world, followed by how much love is in the world and finally another move.
In my last post, I mentioned that we were in the process of moving. At the time, we were in the middle of packing boxes and looking to move down off the vineyard into town.
But, shortly after that post Daniel was offered an amazing opportunity both creatively, financially, with the possibility of free education and above all he could cook again (GF of course). How could we pass it up? So, we made the decision together to move back to California.
Now, to most that isn’t a big deal, California is beautiful, fun, and our family is here. While it is all of these things, for most of my adult life, I have wanted to leave California and never look back. Not because of any horrible incident or childhood, simply because I was taught to see the world. To experience life beyond what I have always known. As I have been lucky enough to see a lot of the world, more than many ever will, there still is so much to see. Moving back to California was/has felt like a step backwards, an admittance of defeat.
It has taken me awhile to wrap my mind around my feelings. I knew logically that this was the best decision for Daniel and I. For his career, for him to move past the emotion of loosing his dreams, a final nail in that coffin, and to move on and never look back. It logically is the best decision for our future, past the struggle of living paycheck to paycheck (more to come on this topic later), to be able to act instead of simply dreaming. So, I whole-heartedly agreed.
But, it wasn’t until the chaos of the move settled that I was faced with my emotions.
I will not sugar coat it; it’s been shit. I was in a constant tug a war, back and forth, over the logic and the long term against the emotion of my own baggage.
But then I realized…
This was exactly what I had asked the Universe for. I prayed for him to find purpose again, to be in a position that we could reach our long-term goals, and that I could do what I love, where I find purpose instead of trying to pay the bills. GOD DAMN IT…. but I didn’t want it to be in California.
But California is where we are and it is where we are meant to be. It has taken time to accept. I apologize for the lack of posts, but this is real life and sometimes you need to take care of yourself and listen to your body. It will not be forever, but this is where we are meant to be for this chapter of our lives.
I accept it and now look forward to this chapter, now.
2016 was definitely a year of challenges and a year of acceptance. Maybe that is my test or lesson for 2016. To accept that you don’t have control… and perhaps that is ok, perhaps that is the beauty of this life, to never know what might come next. I don’t like it and it will take practice, but I think that is the lesson I was meant to learn this year or perhaps this lifetime.
So, in conclusion, The Wildcraft Cottage is in California now, with a fresh start and much more adventure to come.
Here’s to 2017! I look forward to all your lessons…
Cheers!
